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The Extravaganza –
Chapter 2
By Mistress Leather Beth
Wednesday, 3pm prompt, Jane pressed the doorbell at the Grange. The house was little more than five years old and quite out of keeping with the rest of the village. For example, Snowdrop Cottage, where Carmel and JoJo had settled in so very well, was more than a hundred times older.
Fortunately, The Grange was tucked away down Strawberry Lane, and many locals thought that that was the best place for it, out of sight and out of mind. Jane had smiled when Will had described it as ‘Mock Architecture’, new pretending to be old, and failing at both.
Meanwhile, Andy fidgeted, dabbing at imagined specks on his gleaming white apron and constantly rechecking his older, less sophisticated make up, as they waited for the bell to be answered. In due course the door swung slowly open to reveal what can only be described as a round shouldered, middle aged man in a maid’s uniform and, to be truthful, make up bordering on the hideous. The eyeshadow looked as though it had been applied with a trowel, the lipstick with a water pistol and as for the lashes…
“Who is it, George?” came a voice from the top of the stairs.
“Lady Jane and her maid, M’Lady,” came the reply in a light, lisping voice which few self-respecting sissies would use if anything better were available. A few moments later, Izzy Cooper had descended the stairs. An attractive woman, to be sure, but she was always going to run second to Jane as a head turner, even when, as today, their wardrobes were quite similar.
“Ah, thank you, Belinda. Jane, dahling, how are you, my dear. It’s so kind of you to offer your assistance. And may I say that you have probably the most exquisite maid I’ve ever seen,” giving Belinda a glance which caused the older maid to stare at his unattractive brogues while reddening somewhat. “She really is a tour de force.” Andy would have been thoroughly intimidated by this powerful woman’s attention if it hadn’t been plain that the majority of what she said was for Belinda’s benefit.
“Why, thank you, Isobel, dear, but Andy was an absolute dream to work with. A little pouty perhaps to begin with, but he knew as well as I that ultimately the girl inside just wouldn’t be denied her time in the sun. Anyway, I’m sure you have work for him, so I’ll let you get on. I’ll send Will, Andy’s boyfriend, to fetch him home later. Shall we say five? Andy, dear, be a good maid and make me proud of you. Goodbye, Isobel, dear. Until Friday.”
With that, Jane turned on a killer heel and walked briskly back toward the village High Street.
“Well,” said Isobel, “I must get back to what I was doing. Belinda will show you around and explain your duties and, please, Belinda, try to be a little more careful.” Just an instant later she was at the top of the staircase and turning out of sight, a last finger of sun from a skylight glinting off her vinyl derrière.
Belinda raised her eyes from the ground and began to speak in a voice which totally fitted the description of ‘simpering’.
“I think that firtht we should jutht take a brief tour of the houthe, to get our bearingth. If you’ll jutht follow me, thith way… O, thod!” At this, Belinda reached into a small pocket in the back of her linen apron and brought out a mobile which had obviously just vibrated. Belinda glanced at the name on the screen and a total transformation took place as she answered the call. Stand up straight, shoulders back, a firm, clear baritone.
“Haskins! News? Singapore has agreed the deal? I thought so. I knew that Ho Chan was bluffing. The Zoning Commission is on board? Good.
“Now, I need the full cost breakdown before the NASDAQ closes, as well as the very latest voting forecasts from the Manitoba Provincial Legislature Gas and Oil Select Committee. Also, you’ll need to speak to Yevgeny about the Tashkent project. Tell him that he has three days to bring Жosimov round to our way of thinking or else he’s fired. You’ve got that? OK, ‘Bye.”
By the time the phone was back in its little apron pocket, Belinda had returned.
“I’m tho thorry about that, but Mathter George ith thuch a very buthy man. Ath I thaid, if you’ll follow me. Thith way.”
Andy wath confuthed (sorry, confused). Belinda had that effect on people.
“Erm, how long have you been with the Coopers?” asked Andy, thinking that this would be a safe, straightforward question.
“I began therving Lady Magdelena thome three yearth before thhe married Mathter George,” was the oddly worded reply.
Andy furrowed a pretty brow, took a deep breath and started thinking. “George is Belinda and Belinda is George. But they seem to think of each other as independent characters. Is it schizophrenia, or just an ‘old maid syndrome’? Whichever it is, it’s hard work. But at least I know now what Mrs Cooper calls herself. Lady Magdelena.”
Upstairs, Izzy dialed a number. A few seconds later she said, “Katherine? Ah. Kat. Yes. Isobel Cooper here. You’re well? So glad. Now, I hear from young Chloë that you and your friend will be attending our HotHouse Extravaganza on Friday evening, and I was wondering if the pair of you could give Chloë some assistance with a little set piece we’re organising? You can? So kind of you. Chloë will let you have the details, if you have a word with her. Thank you so much. Goodbye.”
By the time he and Belinda had seen most of the house, the general impression that Andy had gained was one of large amounts of money having been thrown at interior designers to install as little character as possible. No expense had been spared, but most of it had been wasted.
Andy suddenly stopped. “What’s through there?” he asked, pointing to a door behind a curtain in the wall of the lounge.
“There? Oh, that’th nowhere, erm, nothing, er, Belinda doethn’t go in there, well, not uthually, no.”
”Wait a minute,” said Andy. “That’s the outside wall, isn’t it? Or it should be. Or is it actually the extension to the garage through that door?”
“Belinda wouldn’t know about thuch thingth.”
Andy had spent enough time in Jane’s company to know how to get a question answered. “Do Lady Magdelena and Master George spend much time in there?”
With obvious unwillingness, Belinda replied, “All I can thay ith that I do know that Lady Magdelena hath her own ecthtenthive tool kit, conthithting of a very large thelecthion of interethting, or ath thhe liketh to dethcribe them, amuthing devitheth. Thhe enjoyth tinkering whiltht Mathter George aththithtth her from hith pothithion thomewhere down in the depthth of the the pit.”
Andy made a note to ask Will if he enjoyed tinkering, but left his questioning there, apart from enquiring, “Will the garage be in use during Friday’s Extravaganza?”
“I believe Lady Magdelena’th guethtth will be able to actheth all areath, and no partth of the houthe will be out of boundth. Ath I underthtand the thituathion, the garage will be parthially theparated into areath for cothtume changeth, private amuthement, etthetera.”
Andy was impressed. For someone who didn’t lisp naturally, Belinda was admirably consistent, as though her brain had a find/replace function. And ‘private amusement’ was an interesting euphemism.
“What will our main jobs be?” he enquired.
“On Thaturday afternoon there will be a thertain amount of furniture to rearrange in the through lounge. We will altho liathe with the catererth, and, when the guethtth thtart to arrive, we will therve drinkth and canapéth. We may altho be required to aththitht guethtth and modelth if they have any cothtume problemth or malfuncthionth. We will altho be tathked with helping to enthure that any babieth and petth behave themthelveth ath much ath poththible.”
“Models?” frowned Andy, dismissing the reference to babies.
“Oh, yeth. HotHouthe ith putting on a Fathhion Thhow of thortth ath a promothion for the new buthinethth. Lady Magdelena and Madame Thtella are determined for HotHouthe to be a thtunning thucthethth, and thith will be the firtht of theverel promothional ectherthitheth. Modelling dutieth will be performed by memberth of thtaff and volunteerth.”
“That doesn’t sound as though we really needed this run through today.”.
“Erm, no, but Lady Magdelena wath very ancthiouth for you to meet both Belinda and Mathter George. Thhe felt that a maid ath beautiful ath yourthelf would motivate them to greater heightth.”
Andy digested this. In truth, it sounded a little sad. George would obviously have given anything to be a glamourous, sexy maid, but he totally lacked any of the physical attributes necessary. But equally, Lady Magdalena lacked Jane’s skill in bringing out the femininity which she had seen just below Andy’s surface. Then again, maybe Magdalena and George found mutual gratification in Belinda’s total devotion.
As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and Belinda shuffled across the hall to open the door. Sadly, it must be reported that when Will caught sight of the maid there was a definite double take, and maybe even a shudder, but he recovered swiftly and said, “Hello, I’m here to collect Andy.”
“Thertainly, thir, he’th jutht here in the hall. Do thtep inthide.”
Andy rushed into Will’s arms and the pair luxuriated in a long, deep, warm, loving kiss. “’Bye, Belinda,” Andy said over his shoulder. “We’ll see you and Master George on Friday, about 4 pm.” With that, Andy and Will made their way home.
To Be Continued.......
