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Little Woman
By Skinnie Stallion
"Will you stop. There's so little time if I'm going to get you to the Village Hall in time for the start. It'll be Overture and Beginners soon. At least you'll be properly made-up and dressed."
It had been only two hours since Mayfield's call. It was so unfortunate Emily Wilson going down with some bug or other this afternoon. Mayfield had heard from the director about her plans to cancel. That would be so disappointing for all the people who’d booked. It would also mean no income for the Village Hall and the Church’s spire repair fund. There had to be some way of saving the evening’s performance. Luckily he'd the presence of mind to call Jane.
“But gloves,” protested Andy, “would she wear gloves? And latex ones too. Latex opera gloves?”
“I’m not taking any chances. I don’t want you catching anything before Christmas,” replied Jane, “not on the last weekend.”
“So has Emily got COVID?” asked Andy.
“Mayfield wasn’t sure, but best to take no chances. And remember your mask only comes off just when you’re going on stage.”
“But latex?”
“We do want you to be wipe clean. You can be sanitised and glossed all at the same time.”
“Yes, Auntie. Can we run through my lines again?”
“No time, I’m afraid, darling. You’ve got the gist and most of the words from that highlighted script Mayfield dropped round. You just need to watch for your cues and improvise if you hesitate. Look at the wings or the orchestra if you really get stuck: Mayfield and the director will have cue cards ready just in case. The stage manager will take care of the stage directions and get you on. Probably the most difficult bit will be the blocking and the exits. You’ll just have to follow the guidance of the other actors to ensure you’re in the right position and come off when you’re meant.”
“Yes, Auntie. I’d so wanted to go with you to watch the play. I’d wanted to sit with you. I know you wanted me to wear my black vinyl pants. I thought they’d look chic with a white latex blouse, my So Kates, and my little black fur bolero cape. And I wanted to wear that nice steel collar you’d got me for my birthday; the one with the D-ring at the throat.” Andy knew it would be his only chance with Jane that evening since he was certain she’d want to congratulate Mayfield after the performance.
“Yes, you’d have looked lovely.”
“I wish I was playing Jo, that’s who I’d like to be.”
“Oh, honey! Meg’s much more you.”
“Really?”
“Jo’s strong and assertive. Meg’s meek and unsure of herself. She’s so you. A pretty boy still finding his way in the feminine world.”
“But she’s a girl,” protested Andy.
“And aren’t you when you’re with me? My very special girl.”
“Yes, Auntie” submitted Andy affectionately.
“Now let’s get you to the car and to the Hall. This will be the best production of ‘Little Women’ ever. Well, maybe the best AmDram one. Certainly the best with an understudy. But definitely the very best, if not the very first, with the sexiest sissy playing one of the sisters.”
“Of course they will honey. Mayfield told me he was going to print a little insert for the programme. It’ll say something like: ‘Due to illness, in tonight’s performance the part of Meg March will be taken by Andrew Watson.’”
“Oh, that means everyone will know.”
“What do they know? It just means you're a versatile understudy.”
“But they’ll see me as a girl.”
“Good. It’ll be on stage. In Shakespeare’s time, all the female parts were played by boys or young men. You didn’t seem worried when you were going to be with me in the audience in PVC pants and heels. “
“Oh, that’s different. That’s when I’m with you and most people just see your niece, Andy.”
“And slave collar?”
“Her rather stylish niece. It’ll just look like a choker. No-one would know how you tether me. But, I won’t be your niece. I’ll be down in the programme as Andrew, not Andy. What will mum and dad think if they hear?”
“Don’t worry, I sorted that when you were doing your make-up. Mayfield had some spare tickets. They’ll be there although near the back.”
“What! Oh, Auntie!” exclaimed an exasperated Andy. “And Auntie, why did you want me to wear my Hummingbird?”
“When it comes, to the curtain calls, I want to applaud you in my own special way. And I want you to have a smile on your face when you bow to the audience. Now go on and break a leg! You’ll be great.”
The clapping finally died down. The applause had been tumultuous, and the cast had taken several curtain calls. Meg had been called out from the line several times. Mayfield had been going through his thanks to the director, the cast, the stagehands, and the company. He was finally wrapping up. “Thank you for all the money you’ve raised tonight for Church funds and the spire renovation. And we’d love to see you back in the summer. The director tells me that the next production will be ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. Given tonight’s fabulous understudy’s apparent comic timing,” there was a ripple of applause at mention of Andy, “she’s already said that she’d like Andrew Watson to play the part of the weaver, Nick Bottom. I’m sure we’d all like to see Andrew’s Bottom.”
Lady Jane Fullerton-Jones sat back in her seat with a wry smile and briefly turned his Hummingbird to maximum. A shame, she’d seen Andy more as Hermia, but she was sure the director wouldn’t take much persuading: she was new to the village and did look rather nice. But he could be a Puck. An ambiguous Puck. Yes, he’d be a very nice Puck.
“Wasn’t that great?” said Andy’s mother as Lady Jane finally emerged from the Hall.
“Yes, I knew he’d be good. Did you come by yourself? I’d asked the Reverend for two tickets.”
“Don’t worry, he was here. The proud father. No, him outdoors is fetching the car. We have to dash; we’ve got a party to go to.”
“How nice.”
“And Jane, thank you for persuading Andy to perform. He clearly has talent. He looked so lovely.”
“Thank you.”
“And Jane…..”
“Yes?”
“I think it’s time. Don’t you? You have my blessing.”
“Are you sure? I had been hoping to see Mayfield tonight but if you’re OK.”
“Yes, I’m sure. He looked so pretty tonight. He was Meg. You make such a lovely couple. Meg deserves her reward. When you get him home, make him the girl he wants to be.”
“Thank you, hun. I’ll make him feel like a proper girl tonight. Thanks for coming. Enjoy your party. Sorry, I can’t kiss you in this mask. Ciao! ”
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Next a couple of quickies.First Bell and Gigi Hadid in a new campaign for Versace. Seems the legendary fashion house is hoping the copy the global success of the YSL Latex dress of last year.
Finally , Pamela and Tommy premieres today , with the lovely Lily James taking the role of the legendary Ms Anderson.
One can expect a touch of Latex in the show, plus one hopes a remake of this classic moment.
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